The Case of the Madmen


Here is my very ridiculous day at work: I got to work only to find that the lobby was full to capacity. I knew that I would have to deal with all of these clients by myself because Laura takes her lunch break at noon. Mind you, I had not drank my usual morning cup of cafe con leche because I was running late.

I sat down to work, in a daze. Rejecting, accepting, answering, and asking, stamping ,filing, and arguing with our very annoyingly stubborn and persistent clients. Slowly, the crowd in the lobby began to disperse until there were only 2 clients waiting to be seen. Everyone gets back from lunch, and my headache and I hastily make our way to the break-room to make our much needed cafe. I had barely started making my espresso when I heard loud yelling and stamping feet coming from my office up front. I peek into the hallway and see something that, I’m sure, would have made even Vin Diesel hide behind the door. A LARGE woman…actually a MASSIVE woman had pushed her way through the front door, and was running as fast as her ginormous feet could carry her, towards where I was standing making my drink. Behind her, ran a tiny man, chasing her down the hallway. I immediately ran for cover. I heard him yelling “I was here first! Get back here you crazy ass bitch!”….I was obviously witnessing a conflict of interest. The woman pounded towards me. It was obvious that she wanted to talk, or maybe yell at me. I came out from behind the door and said: “Slow down! You are scaring the shit out of me. If you want to talk, all you have to do is say so, no need to break the front door.” I think that this made her angry, but it was effective because she stopped running and walked up to me.

“Do you remember me?”


“I was just here…About the divorce.”


“I explained that I have two kids, one lives with me and one lives with this idiot over here. I wanted to ask for your services, I was going to fill out an application, then Rey walks in and sees me here and rips it out of my hand and tries to fill it out himself. Tell them that I WAS HERE FIRST!” She shoves the tiny man into the wall, if the wall wouldn’t have been there, I’m sure that this shove would have sent the poor man flying all the way to US-1. Finally,Steven comes to my rescue, and while they are battling this out, I slip away into the bathroom until this crazy woman left.

Wait! It doesn’t end there. At 3 o’clock, I left to go on my filing errand at the courthouse. After half an hour of watching the slowest person filing and stamping, and finally giving me my papers back, I pressed the down button for the elevator. I had a funny feeling about this middle elevator that opened it’s doors in front of me a little too slowly, but in my hurry to get back to work, I stepped in anyway. First of all, it went up instead of down. This was a little confusing, but I figured that I had just taken the wrong one. As it went up, it would stop and open it’s doors on all of the floors, even though there was no one there. Finally, on the last floor (30th), it began to go down, this time without stopping. Somewhere in between the 24th and the 23rd floor, it stopped, well jolted to a stop.I waited 10 seconds for the door to open, but they didn’t. “Oh shit.” That is the only thought that crossed through my mind for about 1 minute. I pressed the buttons, including the help one, but they would not work. The lights began to flicker, and I stood there, leaning against a wall holding my book and a ton of files. Since there really wasn’t anything that I could do but wait, I sat down, leaned against the wall and started reading. I couldn’t help but be relieved that I finally had an excuse to do absolutely nothing but read read read for the next however long it took to get this thing going again. After about 15 minutes, the elevator jerked a little bit, along with my stomach. I was preparing for another Tower of Terror. I can’t say that I was afraid though. All that I could think about was my book and that cup of coffee that I had yet to drink. Five minutes later, the elevator began to move again. It opened it’s doors on the 22nd floor, and the Judge that was standing there laughed when he saw me comfortably sitting against the wall. I advised him against using this elevator because it was crazy, he helped me up and we proceeded to use the elevator across the hall, and safely made it back to the lobby.

Of course, Laura laughed at me when I told her about this, and my mom nearly fainted. Elevators, being the reason why she is so claustrophobic. After boarding the train one more time for today, I watched all of the people standing around me. I wondered what strange habits they have, and hoped that I never had to see their faces in the Legal Aid lobby. Getting back to square one was nice. I ate a huuuuge steak and a mountain of zucchini. Still no coffee though.


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