Monthly Archives: October 2010

The children


Among the squirrels and the chipmunks there is a very high population of moths that grace me with their presence very night on the porch.

Well, meeting people is definitely not easy here. They aren’t mean or anything like that, they are just not all that interesting. I have tried to keep myself busy by job hunting, reading, writing, dreaming, watching movies, cooking, cleaning, and all that good stuff. I hate to admit that I am a little bored. I never realized how much I really need friends, you know, people to make me laugh, or just someone to talk to about the silly things that come along with being alive. I’m sure that I’ll meet plenty of people sooner or later. As of now though, my books and my journal are my two companions; one tells me stories and the other listens to all of mine.

Since it is almost Halloween, I’ve written quite the ghost story/ satire. I think that it is pretty good and my journal seems to like it too. This all came about after I read a whole book about different ghost encounters. As a result, I scared the sleep out of myself, and spent a whole night writing a ghost story. One week later, I still peek around the curtain while I am showering just to make sure that there isn’t anything peeking at me. I’m a chicken, I know.

I have tried my hand at cooking with the help of my favorite cook book. I have made about seven awesome meals. The thing that I like to make the most are deserts though no one in the house–apart from myself, like sweets.

The job hunt has been going well. I really hope that I get this awesome job that I was interviewed for yesterday. It seems promising but I’d rather not get my hopes up. I’m not going to say what it is though because I feel like it’s bad luck or something to talk about it.

What am I doing for Halloween, you ask? Nothing. Everyone in the house is working, so i have no one to adventure with. I miss my old adventures. Well, maybe I’ll go crash a party or something. Quite frankly, I’d much rather not stay home.

I miss you guys! I’m going to go empty out the dishwasher now. Arevoir!


North Carolina Chocolate Drops


Raleigh is, as everyone had said, a beautiful and diverse city. The strangest part about moving from noisy Miami to sweet Raleigh is the fact that the people here are ridiculously polite and soft spoken; it is a rare thing to hear anyone curse on the street. The accents are funny too. The weather has been lovely, and yesterday while I was sitting in the park wondering if the state capital is haunted, I was attacked by a bunch of falling leaves! Naturally, this made me giggle because I am finally witnessing seasons. This morning, while I was drinking coffee on the porch, I saw chipmunks and birds playing in the garden next door. So far, this place seems pretty cool. Apart from that, the grocery stores are so quiet that you can hear a pin drop from the next isle. This is definitely going to take some getting used to.

P.S. I barely have internet, so I am lucky that I am even able to post this right now!

Where the wind blows


Dear Miami,

As hard as it was hanging out with you all of the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for four whole months, I have to admit that I am going to miss you quite a bit. We had some pretty fun times, you and I. All of our metro adventures, getting lost in side of your walls, the people that you had introduced me to, the crazy people that you sent into my office everyday, that delicious heat that made me constantly sweat even when I was indoors, that oh-so-fattening Cuban food.  Please take good care of my family, and my friends old and new. Please try not to be too humid when I come back for Christmas. Please stay bright and sunny so that I can soak up those rays on the beach before I go back to the freezing cold. I have an unconditional love for you. I will be back sometime soon. But until then; See you later!


p.s. I left a sorpresa for you somewhere. If you look hard enough, you might be able to find it.



Holy crap! This is like the worst that I have ever felt, I think. My lungs have never hurt like this before. Maybe I should go visit my amigos at le hospital. I guess I should wait to see how I feel in the morning because it might not even be all that bad. Rest might make it a little better.

Bed Ridden


No more bed! I can’t take it anymore; I am restless. Although I am only 50 pages away from the best ending in Dumas history, I need some fresh air. Going for a walk, even though I am not supposed to do anything. I have written 20 pages worth of stories, and 2 pages of haiku’s, and drawn 6 drawings of my toes, and have made 3 different play lists. This has been my day since 8:40 am.



When I stepped off of that Grey Hound that brought me here to Miami, I hopped out with a gray cloud hanging over my head. All of my worries, and losses combined were heavy on my shoulders and I was not yet strong enough to carry the burden. When I lived in Gainesville, my ultimate goal was to make people happy. In trying so hard to make everyone else around me content, I dug myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I was throwing the rope that would get me out to everyone else around me, and ultimately left myself trapped in my own sadness with no one and nothing to pull me out.

Not much has changed since then. I still vowed to help the people around me, even if I could not help myself.  But how, the reader might wonder, could I possibly help others if I did not know how to do the same for myself? That passing phrase “I wish I took my own advice” would often wander through my brain after giving Malainie, my mom, my sisters, and anyone else who asked–advice. Just this past weekend, a series of unfortunate events seemed to swallow those around me. In turn, these people would call on me and when I obliged and lent my ears, and allowed them to cry on my shoulder, and held their shaking hands; something incredible happened. All of my own misfortunes, and the misfortune that I had brought onto those that I used to know, did a complete 360. Just when the night could not get any darker, just when it seemed as though the storm would never pass; the sun rose above the horizon: an indicator of a brand new day.

I could hear myself telling her that everything would be okay. I could hear myself telling her that she needs to put her pieces back together. I could hear myself slowly unstrapping the weight that had once laid so heavy on my shoulders. I was using these strange scenarios as examples, and because they had really happened, all of the things that I was telling her came from my heart. It wasn’t like before, when I would just listen to their complaints and wish that I was anywhere else but in that car, or on that couch. This time it was different, someone really needed me. When she cried on my shoulder, I cried with her. When she sat in the bathtub with the hot water running over her cuts and bruises, I sat on the counter, sang don’t worry be happy at the top of my voice, and made her laugh. When she called me and said that she needed to go to the hospital because she was going to do something stupid, I hopped on that train and rushed to her house. I told her to pick herself up, make her life better, she is too young for this shit. I wiped her face, and helped her clean her apartment, it is time for a big change; no more tears, no more tangles only smiles and opportunities.

Strange enough, as I wiped her tears I was wiping my own; as I sang to her I sang to myself; as I heard myself inspire someone else, I just so happened to inspire myself.

Yesterday was really windy, and strangely cool. I was sitting on the porch, watching the birds on the power-lines, when she popped up at my house, unannounced. She looked pretty in her purple shirt, and her hair was done, and she was wearing a smile: the most flattering accessory in the whole arrangement. She sat next to me, and for once she was not slouching. She told me that she had gotten that job at the law firm. She told me that he had been arrested, and could not come after her. She told me about her future plans. She told me that she was finally happy. After a few moments of silence, she put her head on my shoulder and thanked me. I asked her, in all honesty, why? And she looked me dead in the eye and said “because you are my friend.” Those few words meant more to me than any Christmas present. I did it. I helped someone come out of their hole, and in doing that, I think that I succeeded in pulling myself halfway out of my own.


Whatever you are going through, no matter how bad it seems; everything is going to be O.K. I promise. It might seem like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but you have to remember to look forward, never look back. You can’t change what has already happened, but you can change what is going to happen, and even if that is out of your control, make the best of it. Walk out of hell with a smile on your face, and adventures under your belt. Pick yourself up, and put the pieces back together because believe it or not, there are people out there that need you. Just remember that nobody can give you happiness on a silver platter; only you can do that for yourself. Above all, never forget your dreams, even if they are ridiculous; they are never impossible. Just do it! Yes, it’s that simple…do it! Even if it won’t put dollar bills in your pocket, you will be very surprised to find that it is worth it. Pave your own path, never follow the beaten and tried one because it is BORING. Last and most importantly, remember to smile! And if by some facial muscle malfunction, you can’t smile; make someone else smile. Be yellow, be happy…things could be a whole lot worse.

Someone that I cried on numerous times once told me something that has been engraved into my head and into my heart. A simple jumble of words that were life changing, that still replay over and over again when things seem like they will never be okay: “All problems are relative…they won’t last forever.”



Carmen picked me up in her white Hummer, this morning at approximately 7:30 am. I ran outside, the wind whipping my hair. The first thing that Carmen said to me once I had gotten situated in the car was:

“Cono! Que peste tiene este perfume que mi mama me presto!”

“I don’t smell anything.”

“Look smell my pulover.”I take a whiff. Then she says :

“Huele a meao de gato!”

“Ay Dios mio, Carmen.”

Then the conversation turned to teeth. She was telling me about her terror of dentists. She gets so nervous that she starts shaking, and her nerves combined with the cold make her shake so hard that the dentists can barely get a proper x-ray. I laughed, then the conversation turned to how she caused an accident 10 years ago. After this conversation, she turns to me and says: “Mira ver si tengo peste a boca, please.”

“You are chewing gum. Como vas a tener peste a boca?”

“Ay si! Verdad.”