I finally quit my job. Everything is a mess, so to speak. I guess it is always very messy whenever I try to start a new chapter of my life. Sometimes the messes are awesome and other times they are painful and hard to clean up. This mess is of the painful quality. I want to move back to Miami and the thought that I probably won’t see the people who I live and hang out with ever again is excruciating. I was skimming through some of my old posts, diaries, journals; just trying to see if I had any awesome advice for myself hidden in my small archives and I found myself reading my old brainstorms about how I feel in this city. I find my thoughts muddled by emotions, I need to clear my head and figure out precisely what I am doing, what is keeping me here, and more importantly, if those people and places and things out weigh my need for family and freedom. I have about two more weeks to get my life in order; the easiest thing to do emotionally, would be to stick around and find another job. The practical thing (hardest thing) would be to move back home and get my life in order. I am a pretty strong person, but I feel like this challenge is definitely testing exactly how strong I really am.
The past couple of weeks were very interesting. We felt the tremors of an earthquake, then prepared for a hurricane that just barely hit us. We made the best of it though! Between the hurricane parties and Emily moving into our basement; my life started changing, like the weather (63 degree sweater weather). I don’t really know exactly what is changing but I can sense that it will be positive.
My tummy hurts!!!!!
I think that it’s time to move on. This job has me bound in chains that I locked onto myself–and I don’t do very well in chains. Apparently, I am not cut out for fake smiles and passive masks when my words are wrenching about in here waiting to boil over and sabotage my fruitful efforts at a peaceful and friendly work place. On the other hand, there is a lot to learn here. Running away is not always the answer. I have a feeling that this is going to unravel and become a valuable lesson, as most tough situations are. A lot of these issues are my fault and I am willing to own up to that. I am human and I make mistakes. I don’t expect to be babied around; I need to take the rough road sometimes, otherwise learning those valuable lessons would be impossible. But when is it enough? Maybe it is really time to move on. The next door might lead to a better room.
“The worst of doing one’s duty was that it apparently unfitted one for doing anything else. At least that was the view that the men of his generation had taken. The trenchant divisions between right and wrong, honest and dishonest, respectable and the reverse, had left so little scope for the unforeseen. There are moments when a man’s imagination, so easily subdued to what it lives in, suddenly rises above its daily level, and surveys the long windings of destiny.”
-Edith Wharton, The Age of Innocence 285
The rain…beautiful, cleansing, loud, incessant, rain. I stood beneath a tree and let it wash my hair, before I realized that I was standing in a lightning hotspot. I ran onto the porch and wrapped myself in a towel, grabbed my book, read a few pages and I haven’t moved since. It is funny, the things that people do when nobody is around to witness our strangeness. Funnier still, is the thought that not even our friends reveal this closeted side of themselves until they get caught.
…Lightening, and now the power is out. Back to my book! Arevoir.
My phone took a near fatal fall last night and the whole screen is cracked. Now it officially looks like a typical Katryna phone.
A few nights ago, a house full of room mates sat in their front yard while one of them tried to do a cartwheel. The rest of them stood up and attempted to do the same. One fell, the other almost fell, and the last one landed perfectly. After this, one of the room mates heckled at some of the stumbling drunks across the street, and tricked a cab into stopping. Then someone decided to make a people pyramid. Everyone consented. They flaunted their perfect pyramid before someone on the bottom burped really loud and made everyone laugh. The pyramid came crashing down in a tangle of limbs. Once everyone untangled themselves, they took their places on the sidewalk and played a game of hearts. FIN