Five years: some favorites from Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet”

“and ever has it been that love knows not it’s own depth until the hour of separation.”
-Kahlil Gibran 8

“and what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not the dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?”
-Kahlil Gibran 19

“when you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
-Kahlil Gibran 29

“no man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.”
– Kahlil Gibran 56

“and knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream.
And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.”
-Gibran 62

“for what is evil but good tortured by it’s own hunger and thirst?”
-Gibran 64

“even those who limp go not backward.”
-Gibran 65

“and what is word knowledge but a shadow of your wordless knowledge?”
– Gibran 87

“how could I have seen you save from a great height or a great distance?”
-Gibran 90

My phone has been turned off all day! T-mobile is being mean again.

Half awake

Another sleepless night sitting on the porch watching the moths dance around a flickering lightbulb. The drunken mob from the bars across the street stumbling to their waiting cabs, arm in arm with clouds of smoke drifting from their mouths as they breathe in the cool May night.

Anyway, here are some quotes from the latest books:

The Beautiful and the Damned

“it is never quite passion that does the business-it is the dress that passion wears.”
-Fitzgerald

“everywhere we go and move on and change, something’s lost–something’s left behind. You can’t ever quite repeat anything.”
-Fitzgerald

“not knowing that they were but following in the footsteps of dusty generations but comprehending dimly that if truth is the end of life then happiness is a mode of it, to be cherished in it’s brief and tremulous moment.”
-Fitzgerald

“…two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they’re born.”
-Fitzgerald

“and I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world.”
-Fitzgerald

Les Miserables

“this book is a drama in which the leading character is the Infinite. Mankind takes second place.”
-Hugo

“the enlightened weep, if only for those still in darkness.”
-Hugo

“the unknown is an ocean; but what is conscience if not an ocean? It is the compass of the unknown.”
-Hugo

“to die is nothing; but it is terrible not to live.”
-Hugo

“love is the folly of men and the wisdom of God.”
-Hugo

“philosophy is the microscope of thought from which everything seeks to fly but nothing escapes.”
-Hugo

“to plunge into the sea is sometimes to escape shipwreck; a coffin lid may be a safety plank.”
-Hugo

“whence should the cry of love proceed, if not from the sacrificial altar?”
-Hugo

“nothing is more close at hand than the impossible, and that what must be looked for is always the unforeseen.”
-Hugo

“two sensitive spirits sleeping together amid the stars”
-Hugo

“you who suffer because you love, love still more. To die of love is to live by it.” -Hugo

“work is the law of life, and to reject it as boredom is to submit to it as torment.”
-Hugo

“winter with it’s passing always takes with it something of our sorrows.”
-Hugo

“the heart, turned in upon itself, shrinks, being unable to reach outwards, and probes more deeply, being unable to spread elsewhere. Hence the visions and fancies, the speculations, the tales invented and adventures secretly longed for, the castles of fantasy built solely in the mind, vacant and secret dwelling-places where passion may instal itself directly the door is opened.”
-Hugo

“happy is he, even though he suffers, whom God has endowed with a spirit worthy of both love and misfortune. Those for whom human affairs and the hearts of men have not been informed by this double light have seen and learned nothing. The state of the soul that loves and suffers is sublime.”
-Hugo

“the memory of an absent person shines in the deepest recesses of the heart, shining the more brightly the more wholly it’s object has vanished: a light on the horizon of the despairing, darkened spirit; a star gleaming in our inward night.”
-Hugo

“our imaginings are what most resemble us. Each of us dreams of the unknown and the impossible in his own way.”
-Hugo

“…people need love as they need sunshine; it is warmth.”
-Hugo

“it is possible to conceive of something even more terrible than a hell of suffering, and that is a hell of boredom.”
-Hugo

“darkness afflicts the soul. Mankind needs light. To be cut off from the day is to know a shrinking of the heart.”
-Hugo

“tomorrow irresistibly does it’s work, yesterday as today, and it always achieves it’s aims, although by strange means.”
-Hugo

“do we ever realize our fondest dreams?”
-Hugo

Madame Bovary

“why did we come to know one another? What chance willed it? It was because across the infinite, like two streams that flow but to unite, our special bents of mind had driven us towards each other.”
-Flaubert

“why cry out against the passions? Are they not the one beautiful thing on earth, the source of heroism, of enthusiasm, of poetry, music, the arts, of everything in a word?”
-Flaubert

“ones duty is to feel what is great, cherish the beautiful, and not accept all the conventions of society with the ignominy that it imposes on us.”
-Flaubert

“it was the whisper of the soul, deep, continuous, dominating that of their voices. Surprised with wonder at this strange sweetness, they did not think of speaking of the sensation or of seeking it’s cause. Coming joys, like tropical shores, throw over the immensity before them their inborn softness and odorous wind, and we are lulled by this intoxication without a thought of the horizon that we do not even know.”
-Flaubert

“like shipwrecked sailors,she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life, seeking afar off some white sail in the mists of the horizon.”
-Flaubert

Early morning before dawn, the time for the thinkers restlessly puzzling about the reason why….why, why, why.

Sick booger faced crazy

Finally, the flowers are blooming signifying the start of Spring. And for that, I thank my lucky stars. No more freezing nights curled up next to a space heater. I can enjoy the great out doors once again!

For the past week, I have been for quite the ride. My energy has been bouncing back and forth, and my creative outlet has a purpose once again. Since I don’t have very many friends, all I do on my spare time is paint. My cleaning binge is over, and my messiness is back in full force. That’s okay though; I like my messes (my room mates don’t).

I planted some daisies and I was surprised at how giddy I felt when I saw their little green heads sprouting with a tiny seed hat clinging on before the onset of more leaves. I feel like a child again, my old self is starting to seep back in and that makes me happy. For a little while I thought that part was gone forever.

This Madame Bovary piece is definitely coming along quite nicely. It’s definitely an ongoing experiment, seeing as I don’t really have a solid plan for it. I’ve been waking up at 6 am every day to work on it, and staying up until 2 am working on the details. It’s like meditation! Every bit of emotion is being transferred to my art, which is nice since I am an over thinking, nervous, emotional mess sometimes. Sleep comes on a lot more easily these days, and dreams haven’t been as turbulent, though still pleasantly vivid.

Last night’s dream:

I’m with Meg and we are at starbucks, she bought me an iced coffee. Next thing I know I’m running to the school that’s across the street from my house. It’s dark outside and it is the end of the world or something. The school is a shelter. I was running with Meg and her boyfriend. The entrance looks like my high school gym. I am alone now, in a dark hallway with a flashing light. I’m not afraid, just curious as to what the hell is going on and why there aren’t more people in the hallways. I’m looking for my suitcase. A little boy with glasses grabs my hand and tells me to follow him because he knows the “secret way”. Out of curiosity, I follow him. We get into an empty elevator and it stops in between floors, we get out. I keep following him through winding passage ways. There are people screaming around me but the hallway is empty. I wasn’t afraid, though I knew that something terrible was happening. Finally, he opens the door to a classroom and there are my tiny suitcases next to a stern faced teacher, trying to teach her class long division. This teacher freaked me out the most ( or maybe the math did). I thanked the little boy and stuck my tongue out at the teacher for yelling at him. Now I am in the administration office, and all of the office walls are glass. There is a blonde haired girl with tiny shorts on and a tube top sitting at a desk in the office next to me. A demon creature man thing is standing behind her with a knife in his hand. I bang on the glass trying to warn her but she can’t hear me. Her mother is sitting across from her, she doesn’t care. The girl turns her head and confuses the thing with her boyfriend. He drags her off into the darkness. I’m running through this glass office trying to find the bathroom. There is a line. I hear strange noises and the blonde girl tries to attack me. I grabbed her face and sent white light (?) into her mouth. She goes back to normal, but before this she threatened to kill me. I punched her and ran. I go outside and the demon man thing is preaching to a crowd. The girl’s mom is there. I run up to him and punch him then hop into a car that you are driving and we go back to starbucks, I finish my iced coffee and Meg apologizes for leaving me alone.

Weird but fun. I woke up at three am, made some tea and ate 5 chocolate chip cookies, then went back to bed and dreamt about a film festival.

Its been a while ( now i have internet)

Books that I have read since I arrived in Raleigh:
-A Confederacy of Dunces (round2)
-A year in the merde
– Lady Susan
-Emma (round 2)
-Anna Karenina
-Moll Flanders
-Madame bovary
-Audrey Hepburn’s biography
– Marilyn Monroe’s biography
-Madame Bovary
-Breakfast at Tiffany’s
-The House of Mirth

Favorite quotes from some of these wonderful books:

Anna Karenina:

“you can look at a thing tragically and turn it into a misery, or you can take it simply and even humorously. Possibly, you are inclined to think on the tragic side”
“how I wish I knew other people as I know myself! Am I worse than others, or better? Worse, I think.”
-Tolstoy

“If he would fight, would stand up for his honor, I could do something, could express my feelings; but this weakness or abjectness… He puts me in the position of a snake in the grass, which I never meant and never mean to be.”
–Tolstoy

“I don’t want to prove anything: I merely want to live, doing no harm to anyone but myself. I have the right to that, haven’t I?”
-Tolstoy

“I’ve always loved you, and if one loves anyone, one loves the whole person, just as they are and not as one would like them to be.”
-Tolstoy

“I have always told you…that if you don’t want to be bored, you mustn’t think you’re going to be bored, just as you mustn’t be afraid of not falling asleep if you fear insomnia.”
–Tolstoy

Moll Flanders:

“she is always married too soon, who gets a bad husband, and she is never married too late, who gets a good one.”
-Defoe

“to be discouraged, is to yield to the misfortune.”
-Defoe

“let the experience of one creature completely wicked, and completely miserable be a storehouse of useful warning to those that read.”
-Defoe

Madame Bovary:

“before marriage, she thought herself in love; but the happiness that should have followed this love not having come, she must, she thought, have been mistaken. And Emma tried to find out what one meant exactly in life by the words felicity, passion, rapture, that had seemed to her so beautiful in books.”
-Flaubert

“like shipwrecked sailors,she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life, seeking afar off some white sail in the mists of the horizon.”
-Flaubert

“it was the whisper of the soul, deep, continuous, dominating that of their voices. Surprised with wonder at this strange sweetness, they did not think of speaking of the sensation or of seeking it’s cause. Coming joys, like tropical shores, throw over the immensity before them their inborn softness and odorous wind, and we are lulled by this intoxication without a thought of the horizon that we do not even know.”
-Flaubert

Breakfast at Tiffany’s:

“anyway, home is where you feel at home. I’m still looking.”
-capote

“because it can go on forever. Not knowing whats yours until you’ve thrown it away.”
– capote

“If you let yourself love a wild thing, you’ll end up looking at the sky.”
-capote

“but the mean reds are horrible. You’re afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen, only you don’t know what it is.”
-capote

“I want to still be me when I wake up one morning and have breakfast at Tiffany’s.”
-capote

Audrey Hepburn:

“the greatest victory has been to be able to live with myself, to accept my shortcomings…I’m a long way from the human being I’d like to be. But I’ve decided I’m not so bad after all.”
-Audrey Hepburn

Much more to come!!!

Wisdom in a cloud of dandelions

I lie awake, dreaming with eyes half closed. The sounds of the branches scratching the window, the cold air seeping through a tiny crack in the window pane while my space heater blasts a bit of home in my face. I tell myself that it’s time to go home for a while but those planes are so far away. It weighs on my heart that I am missing so much, though I know not much has changed since I left. The best that I can do is walk those miles while I lie awake dreaming of a café con leche and croquetas de jamón, giant hot dogs and Red wine. I dance the wrong steps to my favorite salsa songs.